Why we weren’t fat kids/adolescents/college students
As astute and arrogant baby boomers, we have lauded our “best times” over the heads of our younger, more unenlightened listeners. We say things like “so and so’s first album was their best” (refusing to give up the word, album) or “things (cars, appliances, houses) are just not made the way they used to be” in our attempt to adjust to our rapidly changing times. Some of our points are valid and some of them are lame. When pressed for details or examples, we can be caught off guard when we make sweeping statements such as, “we did not have a childhood obesity problem when I was growing up”. Let me help you out with a list I have compiled to give you ammunition the next time you make such a haughty statement and your younger counterpart rolls their eyes.
Note: There is no science or verification process to this list, just my ability to turn assumptions into facts; a basic skill that is inherent in every person born between the years 1946-1964. 1. Record Players. Whether we were listening to the B side of a 45, or LP (Long playing) album, it required our intervention to flip it over to hear the whole thing. We could stack them, but true audiophiles winced at this and berated us if they saw us doing it. We also cared for our record collection by cleaning our vinyl with Disc Washer and continually monitoring the alphabetization and inside jacket positions to make sure the albums were put away to our specifications after an extended listening session with our friends. Moving an extensive collection back and forth to college could be strenuous and required milk crates or boxes specifically created for their size. CALORIES BURNED: 200
2. Encyclopedias. Research for term papers required bicep curls when lifting these monoliths, especially if you were looking up Socrates or Chlorophyll. And if you needed to cross reference, multiple volumes were pulled out which magnified the effort, which nowadays is equivalent to 30 minutes on an elliptical.
CALORIES BURNED: 100
3. Television. The lack of a remote required that you leave the comfort of your plaid polyester covered sofa to change channels, albeit there were only three or four, and the calisthenics required to ensure a watchable broadcast signal meant one family member had to stand at the television (or on the roof) to adjust the antennae/knobs/rabbit ears (aluminum foil often worked wonders). The real workout began if your vertical hold went haywire and it meant a constant up and down movement that would put any Stairmaster to shame. But I believe that vertical hold may be responsible for many bad baby boomer behaviors. It really should have come with this tag…..
Warning: Prolonged exposure to vertical hold may produce hallucinations, depression, apathy, ADD, consumerism, one-upmanship, nostalgia, bombastic tendencies and an overwhelming urge to own a designer dog. These symptoms may not show up until years later when you are at a cocktail party, drinking a Lemon Drop martini, bragging about your portfolio, three car garage and current trophy wife who has never sported pink sponge rollers or worked out to Jane Fonda. |
4. American Bandstand/Soul Train. This is where we learned to dance. Dick Clark and Don Cornelius provided a venue that allowed us to emulate the latest dance crazes such as The Pony, The Monkey, The Jerk, The Bump, The Swim, The Soul Train Line and all the Disco moves we still pull out at company functions and weddings. The practice and effort were important because we were all using these shows as our guide for choreography and coolness (an "air" bump just looked stupid if it didn't connect with someone else's hip). Watching and learning was an investment in our future and burned fat as well. CALORIES BURNED: 500 (as long as you didn't eat Pop Tarts during the commercials)
5. Automobiles. Stick shifts, manual roll up windows, bench seats (without seats belts, this required stabilization on turns which really worked your core) and no cup holders full of calorie-laden lattes all contributed to what turned out to be an unintentional workout while driving. Without drive through car washes at every gas station, we labored over our vehicles on Sunday afternoons with buckets of suds and Turtle Wax applications. There is no amount of treadmill walking or Zumba dancing that can burn the calories like the ole wax-on wax-off move. CALORIES BURNED: 1000+
A workout on wheels, look at the radius on that steering wheel...great tricep work.
I'm sure that this is an exhaustive list of ways we avoided the obesity epidemic that is now facing our nation. Feel free to comment if you think that I have left anything out........In the meantime, after I finish googling my research for this blog, I'm going to get in my automatically steered car, listen to some oldies on my mp3 player, and wonder what is causing my road rage (vertical hold, I'm sure of it!) and go work out at the gym.
